When the Missionary Honeymoon is Over
By Trevin Wax on Jun 12, 2008 in Reaching Romania | 
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Last week, I wrote about how I got “over the hump” in my efforts to learn Romanian. Speaking fluently was a blessing that brought a new set of challenges.
The more Romanian I understood, the more I learned about Romania and the Romanian people. The more I knew the language, the more I heard or witnessed things that I didn’t like. My opinion of Romanians began to turn sour. Several experiences began to tarnish my opinion of the people to whom God had sent me.
There was a man who had come to scout out possibilities for a church group that would be coming to Romania later in the year. He had only been in Romania for five minutes or so, when a pastor’s teenage son came up to me and told me to ask him for money for a bike. I couldn’t believe the nerve! When I refused to translate such a request, the guy told me, “What’s $90 to him?”
This mindset is prevalent among many Romanians, though certainly not all see Americans that way. It would be wrong to paint all Romanians with the same brush. Still, an American must be on guard at all times, checking prices, looking to see if what is being promised is being delivered, making sure that honesty is reigning when it comes to money.
The first few months I spent in Romania were like a “honeymoon”. Things were new. Things were different. I was learning. I was involved. For me, the entire experience was fresh. I was enamored with everything and everybody. I began to see Romanian Christians as “super-spiritual” in many ways. There were so many good experiences, and things were so fresh that I saw them almost as “flawless” in their spirituality and in their motivations.
Several months later, I became disillusioned. One month in particular seemed almost like a hangover! It was pretty clear that things were not as they had seemed. Many of the people I had counted on during the American team’s visit let me down. So I began to see Romanians as terribly flawed. I went through a stage where things were almost the exact opposite. I was cynical of everyone and everything. And I thought that people were only out to profit from me or from the connections I might have.
After the “honeymoon period” of my stay in Romania, I abandoned the rose-colored way of looking at Romania and the Romanian people. At the same time, my love for this people was too great for me to wallow in cynicism and to not be able to trust any Romanian anywhere. So eventually, the pendulum swung back into the middle somewhere. I saw Romanians as flawed, just like Americans and every other nation is flawed.
There are no perfect people! There are no perfect motives! There are no perfect cultures!
But at the same time, as I learned better the cultures and the languages, I felt I was able to continue to love the Romanian people even despite some of the things that had hurt me before.
Even though I was wounded by certain friends and snubbed by some pastors who had discovered I was not “Mr. Money,” I decided that the gospel had to remain central to my ministry. I could not let those negative experiences affect every part of my life here. It was important to get on with life in Romania, understanding the weaknesses of people, being aware of impure motives, cultivating discernment in my relationships, but always loving people for who they were, whether or not they deserved it. I had to do this, since I know that I, so many times, have received love I haven’t deserved.
© Copyright by Trevin Wax | Print This Post | Share (Twitter, Email, Facebook)
Terrific anecdote. Thanks for sharing!
Jimmy Fine | Jun 12, 2008 | Reply
I, too, was a missionary to Romania, for 10 years. There was definitely a honeymoon period — and it definitely came to an end!! The way I look at it now is that I think wherever we are in the world, we always have higher expectations of Christians. How often do we hear someone say, “I’ll never do business with a Christian again.” or “I’ll never work in a Christian organization again!” A waitress will say, “these Sunday lunchtime Christians are the WORST tippers!” I honestly don’t think that’s the case — that Christians are the worst business men/women, the worst to work with, the worst tippers — it’s just that we expect them (us!) to live up to our reputation as ‘saints!’ Problem is, we are still sinners, in the process of being changed into His likeness — and in some areas we are more succesful than in others! Remember GINFWMY? God Is Not Finished With Me Yet! Not with any of us — but it is SO important to go the second and third mile with people, especially when we are coming alongside ‘pre-believers’ whom we are hoping will become ‘believers.’
I LOVE Romania, and I LOVE her people — and I miss the country and all my friends there, tremendously!
Thanks for your blog!
Kaybee | Jun 12, 2008 | Reply
i’m a missionary in africa, but also a born afican person – therefore going nowhere at retirement, no sabbatical back ‘home’, no superior economy to go back to. i’m just beginning to realize what immense role economy plays, not only as far as our pockets are concerned, but also in our whole spiritual outlook. in deprived or formerly deprived countries, christians also sense their needs. most of all, full time mission workers. ‘the ox is worthy of its fodder’, Paul wrote. long time deprivation can make your eyes dim, though God gives light according to the challenge. meeting then with visitors from the richer countries may easily tempt you to see them as little more than cash cows. why, your plane ticket was 5x more than this certain evangelist’s annual salary! and you tell him to trust in God!
so, when to ask and be seen as a beggar or even dishonest, or when to ask and find a true helper. or when to ask and know that your motives are materialistic. or when to ask, and know that you have to do something about your teenagers who are becoming embittered. these challenges we, as world christians, need to face and debate openly and honestly.
henk | May 16, 2009 | Reply