Is Forgiveness Conditional?
By Trevin Wax on Aug 6, 2009 in Book Reviews | 
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Not too long ago, Chris Brauns, the senior pastor at the Congregational Christian Church of Stillman Valley, Illinois, wrote me and asked if he might send a copy of his book, Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds
In all honesty, the topic of forgiveness is not one that particularly interests me. Most books on the subject tend to be so therapeutic, sentimental, or theologically irresponsible that I have little use for them. We are called to forgive ourselves or (in some cases) to forgive God, actions which do not resemble the biblical teaching of forgiveness.
Two things caused me to give Unpacking Forgiveness a chance. First, I read the book As We Forgive, which chronicles the forgiveness taking place in post-genocide Rwanda. I was deeply moved by the stories of forgiveness in that book. Secondly, I knew from the testimony of others that Chris is a godly man and a biblically-informed thinker. Therefore, I came to realize that Unpacking Forgiveness would not be like the standard evangelical offerings on this subject.
As I began reading Unpacking Forgiveness, I discovered that I needed this book a whole lot more than Chris needed a review. This book radically altered my own understanding of forgiveness. Even though I saw the vaccuous nature of therapeutic forgiveness, I had not yet replaced society’s view with biblically robust teaching on the subject. Reading through Chris’ book, I found myself wincing at some of his criticisms, saying, “Oh, I’ve said things like that” or “Yes, I’ve advised people in that way.” Apparently, the therapeutic understanding of forgiveness had infiltrated my thoughts much more than I realized.
Unpacking Forgiveness comes from a pastor, which means its tone is personal, pastoral, and practical. Chris employs good illustrations of forgiveness that not only make his book a more interesting read, but also give pastors a resource from which to draw stories in local church preaching and teaching.
The book has several key strengths. First, it is church centered. Do not expect self-help instructions. Chris offers biblical teaching about forgiveness within the context of a community of faith:
“Christ’s way of unpacking forgiveness is not three easy steps. It is a way of life, following Jesus, learning from him, being involved in his church, hearing his Word preached. Apart from consistent involvement in these disciplines, you are trying to paddle with a stick. And that just won’t work.” (32)
Another key strength is its appeal to the motivations of the heart. In ways influenced by John Piper, Chris bases our reasons for forgiveness in our desire to reach maximum happiness in Jesus Christ, since finding our happiness and satisfaction in Jesus is what actually brings glory to God.
Unpacking Forgiveness is also God-centered in two ways. First, he defines human forgiveness after having defined God’s forgiveness:
“Forgiveness: A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated.” (55)
The book is also God-centered in that it allows us to see the difference between the inhumanity that we show towards others and our lack of respect for God.
“If we begin to get a glimpse of the vast glory of God, we will realize that many of our conflicts are like two ants arguing about which is taller while standing in front of Mount Everest. We quibble over some infinitesimal difference of opinion while the vastness of Almighty God soars into the heavens.” (83)
Chris believes that one reason people are so easily offended is because they do not see their sinful rebellion against a holy God.
Chris’ careful biblical distinctions make this book so valuable. For example, Chris argues that biblically speaking, forgiveness is conditional. The offer of forgiveness is unconditional. Christians are to offer forgiveness graciously to everyone. But forgiveness, if it is to be properly understood in its biblical sense, must be received. So true forgiveness must always lead to reconciliation.
“Forgiveness is a figurative handshake. You cannot shake hands alone. For forgiveness to happen, you need to seek out the offending party (or the offended party if you are the offender), extend your hand, and pray that the other party will offer his or hers to you.” (127)
It is evident to the reader that Chris desires to be faithful to Scripture and to bring the biblical view of forgiveness to bear on our personal lives and in the lives of our churches. I’m glad I gave Unpacking Forgiveness a chance. I now have a “go-to” book whenever I need to teach on this subject.
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“forgiveness, if it is to be properly understood in its biblical sense, must be received”
I agree that this is the ideal. But there are times when the other party has no intention of reconciling, and there is only so much you can do about that.
Is there not a form of forgiveness wherein you forgive them is spite of their unwillingness to be involved in any sort of reconciliation?
Mason | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Because Chris bases our understanding of human forgiveness upon divine forgiveness, he would say no. God does not forgive the unrepentant. Only the repentant are justified. Yet, God is gracious and loving. He offers forgiveness to all.
In this sense, our human forgiveness is the same. The offer is unconditional. The actual process must involve two people and end in reconciliation.
Trevin Wax | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
So if they refuse to be forgiven then what?
We can judge them/ harbor unforgiveness /no longer act loving towards them?
That just doesn’t seem to be the kind of ‘forgiveness’ Jesus calls us to.
Reconciling is an optimal outcome of forgiveness, but it is not the same as forgiveness.
We can only control our response and our response should be to forgive whether or not they choose to accept that or reconcile.
- by the way Trevin, I like the new look of the blog, good call.
Mason | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
I looked up all the times that Jesus used the word “forgive” and all but one of them was not conditional. There is one place where a condition is given:
Luke 17:3-4
So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
I don’t know if this occurance negates all the others. In Jesus’ ministry, except for the Jewish religious leaders, he seldom judged those who he had mercy on. He offered unconditional forgiveness. But Luke 17 is about us forgiving, not Jesus. I guess I will have to study this some more.
RJ | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Mason, You asked, “Is there not a form of forgiveness wherein you forgive them is spite of their unwillingness to be involved in any sort of reconciliation?” The answer to that question is, “Yes.”
Christians ought to have an attitude of forgiveness or a willingness to forgive. This is what Jesus demonstrated on the Cross: “Father, forgive them . . .”
There is an important distinction to be made between a readiness to forgive and actual forgiveness.
Lig Duncan says it this way, “Consequently, I think it is important for us to talk about both forgiveness and readiness to forgive. There may be circumstances where a reconciliation is impossible, but a readiness to reconcile can still be present with a believer. Consequently, I would want to make that distinction when I was counseling a believer who was in a circumstance where there was not a present possibility of reconciliation of the relationship. Instead of telling them that they need to forgive or they will become bitter, I think I would rather say that you need to be ready to forgive and not to be captured by your bitterness.”
At this point, someone inevitably says, “Well, this is a semantics thing. I call forgiveness what you call a readiness to forgive.” But, doctrinal formulation is semantics and it is important that we use biblical words like the Bible uses them.”
Chris Brauns | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Here are a couple of links that may be of interest. If you go to http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2008/02/18/others-on-conditional-forgiveness/ you will find some quotes from others about unconditional forgiveness.
And, http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2008/02/15/didnt-jesus-forgive-unconditionally-on-the-cross/
Chris Brauns | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Nice review.
The offended Christian should obviously not respond by retaliation or bitterness, but by forgiveness.
The problem I’ve found is when the Christian who offends doesn’t think that they did anything wrong, often because of a sense of seniority, maturity, superiority, or cultural blindness, such as in Asian cultures influenced by Confucius where the older never apologizes to the younger.
In this instance it seems that you should just move forward, enjoying the grace and glory of God.
What do you think when the offending Christian really thinks they did nothing wrong, while you might be inwardly seething?
Ben | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Ben,
Good question. It’s for questions like these that the subtitle of my book is “biblical answers for complex questions and deep wounds.”
When the offender is unrepentant, I think the outline per Romans 12:17 ff (and other passages) is: (1) Proactively show love. So far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people. (2) Take no revenge, not even small ways, as is often done with a spouse. We all have little ways of getting back, even if it is nothing more than stony silence. (3) Leave justice to God. Vengeance belongs to me.
But, where things get more complicated is in a context where you need to work closely with someone else and make decisions. I have a chapter on this called, “When you can’t get over it.” For instance, Paul and Barnabas had to make a decision about whether or not to take John Mark. There were practical things to work out. So, in cases like that we need to follow biblical guidelines which include things like making sure we don’t gossip, submitting to authority, allowing time to heal wounds that reason cannot, etc.
Chris Brauns | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Major oops. I meant to say, “vengeance belongs to God,” in point 3 above.
If you have some justice that needs done, please don’t send anyone my direction.
Chris Brauns | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for your response and quotation of Ro 12:16ff, Chris. The issue is that the senior pastor in his 60s is authoritarian and autocratic due to his Confucianistic cultural influence and upbringing in an Asian country. Therefore, he makes decisions, usually unilaterally, like dismissing people, without discussion. In his cultural context, he did nothing wrong, while if you were the brunt of his decision, would obviously not be happy.
That said, I thank God that God is sovereign and God is good and that God never makes mistakes, and that God is fulfilling all things for his own glory.
Ben | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Chris, I think you nail it when you distinguish between actual forgiveness and an attitude of forgiveness, but for some reason that can be tough to chew.
One reason it is difficult to accept is that it seems like it puts the Christians in a place where they carry around a list of offenses that must be acknowledged and brought up every time we encounter a person who has offended us, but I don’t think that is the case. I think we can still be genuinely loving to people who have wronged us even if the issue has not been dealt with.
On the other hand, I think we often want to forgive without dealing with the issue because dealing with the issue might force me to own up to some things as well. Basically, if I just let it go, then I never have to deal with the log in my eye.
Any thoughts on this? Seems like I always see push-back when I have taught or seen someone else teach the idea of conditional forgiveness so I have wondered what might be driving the objections.
Bill Blair | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Bill, I think so many ppl define forgiveness as a feeling. So, they hear that conditiona forgiveness means bitterness. But biblical forgiveness is not fundamentally a feeling.
Chris | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Bill, I am answering on my phone which makes it hard. I will give a little more thought tomorrow evening.
Chris | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Mason:
Consider my review and a more nuanced approach of the topic by Miroslav Volf’s book, which I’ve also commented on.
Paul | Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
Trevin, really nice job on this review. One of my favorite word pictures that Chris uses is the ants in front of the mt. That principle voids out so many of my own forgiveness issues!
Great discussion on your blog!
Shannon Popkin | Aug 7, 2009 | Reply
Hey Trev, great reference, commentary, and discussion. There are major biblical issues here. No one has mentioned what I see as the most poignant: Jesus says that our forgiveness by God is dependent on our “work” of forgiveness toward others. Talk about conditional forgiveness!! Matt: 6:14-15: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Does Chris Brauns mention this?
Richard W. Wilslon | Aug 7, 2009 | Reply
Thanks, Trevin, for the book review.
I have studied the matter of forgiveness for many years. I have found no published book that gets the matter more biblically accurate than Chris Brauns’ book, Unpacking Forgiveness.
The notion of “unconditional forgiveness” has become widely accepted among evangelicals. Brauns addresses this false notion well. Prior to reading Brauns’ book, I recently had occasion to write a short essay to counter the false notion of “unconditional forgiveness” because of its widespread embrace in circles where I live. I called the initial draft of the essay “The Sin of ‘Unconditional Forgiveness’”(http://tinyurl.com/qx2olk). I have since rewritten it entirely with a view to publication under the title, “A Biblical Primer and Grammar on Forgiveness of Sin.”
A. B. Caneday | Aug 13, 2009 | Reply
“… true forgiveness must always lead to reconciliation.”
Baloney! Reconciliation is not always possible, but forgiveness can and, in many cases, must be granted unilaterally and unconditionally.
For instance, some of us need to forgive people who are now dead and some of us need to release entire groups or even nations from their trespasses against us.
The only alternative when reconciliation is not possible or desired by our opponents, is to unilaterally forgive whether our opponents repent or not. How else can we love our enemies?
This writer appears at times to confuse forgiveness and reconciliation as synonymous. They aren’t.
He also asserts, dogmatically, that we are called to forgive the way God forgives: conditionally. There is a vast difference, however, between God and us: He has no debts!
Not to forgive is to ignore the immeasurable debt we owe God, and to stay in bondage to our offenders and to the past.
Yes: His forgiveness is conditional–upon forgiving all others! Christ made it clear that failure to forgive from the heart will disqualify us from receiving God’s forgiveness.
So, the primary condition we must meet, the main sin of which we must repent, in order to be forgiven by God, is grudge-holding. It is completely forbidden by Christ. A mere willingness to forgive does not fulfil the commandments of Christ and His apostles.
Willingness and effort to reconcile with others is required, but that is very different. Reconciliation can only be achieved when all parties agree to reconcile, even if they simply “agree to disagree” and “bury the hatchet.”
If withholding forgiveness (holding grudges) is encouraged by this book, it is extremely dangerous.
Will Scott | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply
John Piper on this.
An excerpt:
Will Scott | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply